Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
