new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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