I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
