The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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