Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
