wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
