But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
