If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
