girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
