i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
