never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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