Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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