my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
