hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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