how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
