I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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