Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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Enjoy the penises
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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