Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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