I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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