she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
