I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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