Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
