The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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