There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
