I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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