so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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