my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
