will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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