Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
