and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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