I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
