happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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