thus making me awesome and them whores
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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