i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
