spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry about my life...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
