Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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