Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
