wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
is that a dick in a sweater?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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