I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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