you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
