We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
