Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
