drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
