if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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