I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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