you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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