JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
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I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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