sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
