I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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