I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
