i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
