i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
