Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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