look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
