I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
