Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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