Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
