At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
