so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
