I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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