DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
