Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
