its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
