she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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