Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
