my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
